yo-me-moi

la vie en rose...or not?

2006-01-15T02:07:00.000-08:00

ha! that's supposed to be me!....I couldn't quite get the expression I was looking for; at that time I was depressed and I wanted to paint the sadness in my face but instead I managed to make me look like a shy helpless little girl! I like it anyway, some have said it doesn't resemble me that much but I know it's me :P I think I kindda look like that girl right now! It's late and I can't sleep! I haven't been able to sleep well this last few days... I've been going to bed really late...and getting up early... and feeling tired all day long! I guess I'm a bit nervous... and anxious...and stressed... trying to leave everything organized at work and not forget anything... oh I hope I don't forget a thing!!....oh well, it will all be fine I'm sure.... as soon as I get into that plane it will all be alright.... oh god it's late! I have to get some sleep! I guess is good that I'm getting jetlag already, then when I get to Paris I'll be fresh as a lettuce! (right!)
see'ya! don't know when I'll write again,
but I'll be back! hasta la vista baby! ;)
and thank you all for your good wishes :)
PEACE&LOVE :)

3, 2, 1...blastoff!

2006-01-09T22:22:00.000-08:00

Just 7 days to go! I'll start a new life in Paris; I'll leave tijuana behind and forget all about my past; I'll get a job as a waitress, and in the summer I'll do drawings for the tourists in the Seine or in Montmartre... I'll live on expresos and croissants... baguettes and fromage... and cheap wine.... and I'll have liaisons with older french man... or extravagant backpackers..... NOT! hahaha... :P just kidding!!! ...well in 7 days I'll be hopping on a plane (actually in 2 planes), and flight for about 12 hours! ...SAN DIEGO-NEW YORK-PARIS.... I'll get to see the statue of liberty from the sky hopefully... if not I'm sure I'll see lots of mini statues of liberty in the JFK airport shops... wow I can't believe I'm actually going! It sort of feels like the first time! I feel that same excitement... although the first time was a bit scary too! traveling all by myself to a totally different continent! to a country where I didn't speak the language at all! not even bon jour! ...I remember I got into the plane and as soon as I was able to take my seatbelt off I went to the toilet and I cried like a baby! I wanted my mommy! I wanted to go back! ...pretty understandable, I mean, I was an innocent little girl of 21... :P but then when I got to Paris everything was ok... everything went perfect right from the start....by the second week I was already thinking a month wasn't enough and I extended my stay for 2 more weeks... oh what memories!... I had a good time then, but I think that now that I'm older I'll enjoy myself even more...now that I'm more mature (right!) and experienced I'll appreciate it in a different way... different how? I don't know, just different... I'll experience it as the person I am now... a happier and more self assured person... more conscient of how good life can be... and people... people can be really good too, specially if you show'em a smile... you can start lots of friendships with just a smile!...anyway, I feel it will all be new to me....I will probably do the same things I did before..I'll go the top of the eiffel tower, to the louvre, take yet another picture of the mona lisa, go to another hundred more museums... but it will be new nevertheless.... it will all be new! ...and thats good.... new is good!

PEACE&LOVE

2006-01-05T16:30:00.000-08:00

This are from when I went to Vegas last november; I like this picture with the ice cream cone, I look so happy with my gelato!!... I'll be going on another trip soon, farther away, and for longer! yeyyy!!!! I'm soooooo excited! specialy because of the possibility of meetting up with a special someone over there... precisely someone I met in Vegas... I can't wait! you wanna know where I'm going? ...ok...is somewhere in europe... starts with an 'F' ...people there don't have a problem eating snails... they think it's classy too!.... over there men don't have a problem peeing in public.... they smoke a lot and spend a lot of time at restaurants and in 'caffes' discussing 'intelectual' things... and the waiters always have a long face... you haven't guessed yet? ...they speak french! ....yes I'm going to France!... specifically, to Paris... Oui, Oui, la vie en rose! ces't tres bien!...I know it's freezing over there right now but I don't care :) ...I'm crossing the atlantic again!.... I can't believe it's been a little more than 3 years since I last went!...I still have a 20 euro bill I had kept and it has 2002 printed on it... they'll be the first I'll spend... not gonna go for the airport exchange rate.... anyway, I'll be spending valentines day in Paris! certainly will be the most memorable valentine's day ever, I mean, in Paris! and possibly, in the company of a special someone!!!wwuuu huuu!!!... even if I don't have any company that day, it will be better than all the past valentine's days in my life.... I kindda dread that day really... is not that I'm against it, but all those heart shaped chocolates and overpriced flowers take away the exciment out of the whole celebration don't ya think?....anyhow, I'm gonna have an awesome time there, hopefully I'll get to go other places besides Paris... I would like to go to London for a weekend for example.... or go the opposite way towards italy... I don't know, I should be doing some planing on my escapedes, but that's no fun.... whatever comes up, I know I'll manage.... the only thing I'm nervous about is the weather... I've always gone there in the summer and I'm not really used to temperatures below zero!! ...right now in TJ is kindda hot actually....windy and dry... but it changes constantly... just 3 days ago it rained... tomorrow who knows how it will be like!
...I predict more dry winds... accompanied by some tumbleweeds....
see'ya!

PEACE&LOVE

episodios raros

2006-01-01T12:35:00.000-08:00

I just got home from the movie theater; we saw King Kong; I don’t know what the hell is wrong with me, but by the end of it, on the final scenes when Kong is on top of the empire state, I started feeling bad! …my heart was raising, I felt short of breath, my head heavy and my hands a little numbed, as if I was falling under some sort of weir hypnotic spell! Weirdest thing! Like those kids that get seizures for playing video games for hours, that sort of thing… and when it was finally over and we got out, I went straight to the ladies room and I felt an incredible urge to cry! And I did! What the fuck?!! …I don’t know what the hell this means… does it mean that this movie hit a cord? Or that it has some strange subliminal messages? Does it mean that I’m on the verge or a nervous breakdown? Does it mean that I have some sort of heart disease I never knew about? And that movies like this are too much to handle for my weak heart? ...beats me! All I know is that I never want to see this movie again… and that I feel kindda down right now…. Whether I recommend it or not…well, it is entertaining…for a while… then it gets painful to watch….I can’t really say if I like it or not… I’m in a very strange mood at the moment…. I guess I have to go to bed… and hope tomorrow I won’t remember….

Good night!

swing life away

2005-12-28T16:49:00.000-08:00

Christmas is over! And 2005 is almost over too! Oh my God! I remember, by this time last year I was pretty depressed, and the coming of another year dindn't seem realy prommising, still, the optimistic girl in me said "2005 is gonna be a great year!"...and it realy was! the firts months realy sucked though, I was still moaning about my ex, with whom I broke up around august 2004, (I think?? can't remember exactly), wow! getting over him took forever!! sometimes I feel it took longer than the actual time we spent together as a couple! anyway, then there was the passing of my grandfather on april, that made my mood go from blue to bluer, reeeealy sad times... until one day I just said 'fuck it! enough!' I got fed up with being down all the time and started pepping up myself (that's the good thing about being an optimistic, it doesn't prevent you from getting depressed, but it sure helps you when you're trying to pull yourself up from those dark times!) I reestablished contact with friends, I started going out more, but most importantly, I started building up my confidence again, my self-esteem.... that makes things soooo much easier! when you have a healthy love for yourself you can realy spread the love all around! ;) and be a happier person!... anyway, I decided I wanted to do exiting things in my life, I wanted to know lots of people, to travel the world, to enjoy life... and so I needed to be more open, more forward, make things happen and not seat around and wait.... and by the middle of the year things started picking up; my friend xochitl helped a lot! somehow she knew I needed her...I hadn't talked to her in a long time, then all of the sudden she calls me and we start hanging out again! she introduced me to her friends, and now they are my friends too... so exciting things started happening... I went to cancun on august, had a lot of fun! then on september I signed up for my art class and the belly dancing class! I started drawing and painting again, made new friends... then I went to las vegas and had and unforgetable time there!! ...went to lots of concerts too! ...en fin, lots of things make 2005 a realy memorable year for me.... but specialy the people in my life, my family, all my friends, old ones and new ones, the people I've meet and the moments I've shared with them.... that's what I most treasure.... makes me think of a song from 'rise against' called 'swing life away' this bit in particular that says "...I've got some friends, some that I hardly know, but we've had some times I wouldn't trade for the world...." I love that song!...and I love all of you that have come across my way and have made my life worth living! (I know that sounds incredibly corny but I don't care :P) I love ya'all!! and 2006 is gonna be a GREAT year!!!! wish ya'all happines and joy!

PEACE&LOVE!

PS. Isn't my little nephew the cutest boy ever??!!!

FELIZ NAVIDAD!

2005-12-24T12:21:00.000-08:00

"...I WANNA WISH YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS, I WANNA WISH YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS, I WANNA WISH YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART!! FELIZ NAVIDAD! FELIZ NAVIDAD! FELIZ NAVIDAD, PROSPERO AÑO Y FELICIDAD!..." ..you know that one for sure, a catchy song this season, from Jose Feliciano... I kinda wanna sing it aloud and dance to it today... don't know why? I guess that 'christmas spirit' finally kicked in..hadn't realy been feeling it this whole month... I even thought of not giving anybody any presents...well that was realy cause I'm suppose to be saving money for my trip, and I thought 'I'll just make each a portrait for christmas and that's it! no spending money on presents!' and it probably would have been a more valuable gift realy, but didn't come around doing it, so I had to do the last minute christmas shopping thing and got everybody a 'little something' and a big something for me :P (...I always do that! end up spending more money in my presents to me than in the whole bunch of stuff I get for the others! :P) ...well, christmas is not about presents anyway, its about love!! to love each other! love all around us!....today I'm in full christmas spirit mode and I want everybody to be happy! lets all be happy! lets love one another!! peace and love my brother!! (I wonder what was on those brownies I ate this morning?! :P)...wow to think that in other parts of the world they've already eaten their turkey by now! they've already opened up their presents! and here we haven't even turned on the oven yet... by the way, I hope you all got what you wanted! I always get what I want cause my mom takes me to the store and makes me choose my own gift from her, and then insists on wrapping it, and putting it by the tree, what for I wonder?! what's the point? guess I have to play along and prettend I'm surprise.... anyway, realy, I wish everydoby around the world happy holidays! whatever it is that you celebrate, chritsmas, hanuka, etc... or if you don't have a special celebration, well celebrate that you're alive! life is good ;) whatever your life is like, it can always get better ;)! so lets celebrete and be happy! yeeaahhh!!!

happy days

2005-12-09T00:03:00.000-08:00

so finaly I've figure out how to put pictures here! it's realy very easy, you just donwload some program and you're all set!... now I can show you some of the thousand pics I take a day :P ...well maybe I don't take that many, but I do take lots of pics now since I got my digital camera.... I take pictures of anything, anything at all, silly pics mostly... my camera is not very high tech so sometimes (quite often actually) the image doesn't come out as I hoped, still I'm happy with it....anyway, I've posted bellow some pics I took earlier today on my presentation with my belly dancing group... thank God that's over! It went well, I think we did alright, we were all nervous before going on stage, but nobody screwed up, so that was good hahaha....it was a good experience... doing the belly dancing... but I wont sign up for next semester... I'm done with that hahaha.... I will continue with my art class though... bellow you can also see pics from the exibition of my art class group for the end of course... that was yesterday... it was a succes! ;) lots of people went to see our works and it was nice, I had a realy good time there with my friends.... :) ...after the exibition we all went to 'cafe de la opera'.... it was fun :) ...we realy are a funny bunch of weird characters.... but all artists are a bit crazy so... :P ;)

PEACE & LOVE!

2005-12-08T23:58:00.000-08:00

Aleli and me looking sexy, ready to do the 'shakira moves' on stage ;)

2005-12-08T23:56:00.000-08:00

me and the girls back stage before we went out to do our number

2005-12-08T23:52:00.000-08:00

me in my belly dancing costume, right before I hit the stage with the girls to do our number at the University theater today!

2005-12-08T23:51:00.000-08:00

the girls in my belly dancing group ready to shake their buttys ;)

2005-12-08T23:49:00.001-08:00

My friend Eduardo and me at the 'cafe de la opera'

2005-12-08T23:49:00.000-08:00

Claudia and me at the 'cafe de la opera'

2005-12-08T23:46:00.000-08:00

My friend Alan and me at the 'cafe de la opera' after the exibition...

2005-12-08T23:45:00.000-08:00

my friend Madelin and I posing with my drawing of the glass half full...

2005-12-08T23:43:00.000-08:00

Liev, Claudia and me with Liev's drawing of his mutant lady in blue

2005-12-08T23:42:00.000-08:00

my friend claudia and I with her drawing of her medieval lady :)

2005-12-08T23:38:00.000-08:00

my glass half full ;) ...I made it with soft pastels...

2005-12-08T23:33:00.000-08:00

me and my drawing of the glass half full ;) in the exibition of my art group yesterday

shakira wannabe

2005-12-05T23:01:00.000-08:00

Oh my god! I hope I don't look too ridiculous! this thursday I'll be performing with my belly dancing group at the university! I'm trying out my costume and the top is little bit thight, but otherwise it fits alright...as you can see this outfit doesn't cover much :O ! ..I'm just trying to think it's not much different than a bathing suit at the beach...so it's actually not that bad... :S ...anyway, I'll try my best! Shakira makes it look easy, but believe me, moving your butty like that it's NOT that simple!!! wish me luck!
later!

"....aaayy amor, me duele tanto! me duele tanto! que te fueras sin decir a donde! aayyy amor! es un tortura, perderte!!.... lalalalala........."

yo

2005-12-03T00:50:00.000-08:00

Precious and fragile things............

2005-11-22T19:56:00.000-08:00

So last saturday I went to another concert, (if you haven't figure it out yet, I love going to concerts!) ... and this one was one of the best I've been to...DEPECHE MODE!... I don't have any of their albums, I have never download any of their songs... if they don't get play in the radio I have no way to listen to them... yet I HAD to go see them, I mean, who hasn't heard of them? who hasn't heard, and sing 'personal jesus', 'strangelove', 'people are people' 'just can't get enought' 'enjoy the silence'? (just to mention a few among the long list of famous songs they have!)...I've heard of them since high school...they were already legendary!.. my older brother had a record of them that he keep playing over and over and over again... so I learned their songs thanks to him, and also by listening to them whenever they got played on the radio or on tv (91x, MTV) ...I danced 'just can get enoght' lots of times with my friends in that club we used to go in revolution avenue called 'Red Square', when I was still under age!.... you can say they are pretty much in the 'soundtrack of my life', so I just couldn't let the opportunity go, I had to go to this concert! and it was great!...Im SO HAPPY I went! ...everybody was singing along, everybody was so happy to be there, to listen to them live, to feel their music.... it was just great! the energy! the vive!... mostly they played their most popular songs, althought they did throw in some that I didn't know, obviously there's a whole lot that I don't know of them! but now I eagerly want to buy all their CD's! 'cause it's all great!... I told a friend I had gone see them and joking with me he said "who? 'depress' mode?" hahaha... and now that I think about it, the kind of music I like the most it does sound kind of gloomy... coldplay, radiohead, muse, depeche mode! ...but it doesn't bring me down! (well 'fix you' from coldplay did made me cry a few times :P ) ...anyway, if you like Depeche mode, even just a little bit, GO SEE THEM if you have the chance, you wont regret it! ;) I promise you!!
well take care'ya all!
PEACE & LOVE

Viento

2005-11-15T20:56:00.000-08:00

me gusta cuando hace viento... me relaja escuchar su silbido... el andar insesante de las hojas secas...las ramas de los arboles balanceandose como si estubieran bailando...por mi ventana puedo ver el arbol de eucalipto, esbelto, moviendo sus ramas al compas del viento....me hace sentir libre....me hace recordar mi respiracion...quiero aspirar con fuerza el aire limpio, aire fresco, aire nuevo...quiero llenarme de el...quiero convertirme en el...

VIVA LAS VEGAS!

2005-11-08T20:01:00.000-08:00

I went to Las Vegas last week... my second time there... I wasn't sure about going 'cause the first time I went (a year ago) I didn't think much of it... I was bored, and a bit depressed since I had recently broken up with my ex...plus that time we stayed in a cheaper hotel :P... far from the nicest part of 'the strip'...and on top of it, I don't like gambling! and we did nothing but hang around the casinos chasing my dad who couldn't keep away from the machines :P!... so when my parents asked me if I wanted to go to vegas with them again this year I hesitated a bit... but finaly I thought "what the hell! I'll go and I'll enjoy myself!"... and I certainly did!! the first night was THE MOST AMAZING NIGHT I've had in a long time..if not EVER!!!... I wont give any details...I'll just say that I met someone VERY SPECIAL who REALY made ME feel special... and now that someone will stay in my memory forever :) (you know who you are! :) ) ... the rest of my stay, compared to that fabulous night was 'OK', and stil it was better than my last visit... did nothing out of the ordinary...walked a lot with my mom and cuca (a family friend) along the strip and through the hotels, went to the shops, ate at buffets...we didn't stick with my dad this time! so it was more fun :)....on my last night in vegas I went out and walked around aimlessly till I got the nerve to enter an Irish pub by myself...I was alone for awhile but then I started 'mingling' with some people there and it was interesting, also got to see a girl dancing that traditional irish dance, it was cool....but what realy made the difference from my last visit to vegas was that I was in better spirits this time... I'm a happier person now, than this time around last year... I'm more selfassured, and more daring I must say... I just think to myself, when I'm affraid to try something, "what do I got to lose?" ... plus, it's a cliche but it's true, "life is too short"!!... you just got to trust your instints!... when something feels right, go ahead and do it!...if it makes you happy it can't be that bad! ;) like that Sheryl Crow song says :) ..as long as you don't harm anybody, (at least not intentionaly)... why complicate yourself!... that's more or less my philosophy these days :) we HAVE TO enjoy life!.... and be open minded! you have to be open minded to be able to enjoy life... open to meet new people, to try new things, new possibilitys, to take advantege of opportunitys... anyway, I don't wanna sound like one of those motivational books that I find so boring :P hahaha...althought they are helpful! :P ...so people ENJOY LIFE OK ;)

till next time!

PEACE & LOVE!

Im in love with chris martin!

2005-08-28T18:06:00.000-07:00

this friday I went to see Coldplay...for the third time! it's almost becoming a tradition for my friend Xochitl and I... at first I wasn't really planning to go, didn't feel like spending 80 bucks to go see a band I had already seen twice.. but I couldn't leave Xochitl alone, so there we went again... and I'm glad I went... we're both in love with chris martin now... sooooo cute on stage... the way he jumps around, the way he plays his little charlybrown-like piano, he even got off the stage and ran around between the rows when they played 'in my place'.... love him! love those guys.... Coldplay rules! I bought me 'Parachutes' and 'Rush of blood to the head' again the other day... (they had been stolen along with my car stereo long ago) spent like 60 buchs on CD's! I bought The killers, Muse, The bravery, Franz Ferdinand... by the way, hope I get to see Franz.. they'll be in San Diego on october....could be my birhtday gift... love those guys to.... I have so much love to give! ;) anyway... I love you who ever you are that are taking the time to read this ;) bye

the faint

2005-08-19T19:23:00.000-07:00

I'm listening to the 'The faint' and I'm liking it... pretty cool stuff...
Does anyone ever read this?... probably not, there are millions of sites like this over the internet,
the probability of someone coming across my blog is minimum... or maybe there are some people who have read this but they do like me, they don't comment so how are you suppose to know? I've read other peoples blogs.. and I've never commented on any, althought I have found some that are interesting.... the idea that you are reading somebody's diary makes it more interesting I guess... (right now listening to a track called 'erection' hahaha) ...I'd like someone to comment something, whatever.. just wanna know that someone out there in the ciberspace has been here... you, you reading this, say something! whatever comes to your mind! say that I'm cool, that you like me... or that you don't, that you don't like my blog, that all I say is stupid.... no don't say that! forget it!.... if you want to say nasty things just don't comment at all hahaha......
I like people to like me :) I like calling attention! :) ok now I'm listening to Franz Ferdinand.. LOVE IT... LOVE IT! hey if you want to comment something, comment on what book I should read next... I just finished 'The brothers Karamazov'... took me so long to finish it! but it's definetly worth reading... the last part almost made me cry (yes I'm sentimental).. alyosha's speech..soooo touching.... ok so don't forget to make a comment ok ;) going home (my computer doesn't work! I'm in an 'internet cafe'!)... time to leave... see'ya ;) bye

love cancun

2005-08-16T17:28:00.000-07:00

...I just got back from cancun a few days ago.... everybody is like 'wow you're sooo tanned'!
so i'm dark brown now... but it suits me... I look hot! :)
I spent most of my days in cancun swimming... and snorkeling... I love those colorful little fishes! they're so cool!!! I wanna live under the sea! I wanna be like nemo and live in a 'anemoma'... I actually saw a blue fish that looked like Dory... it was so tiny... its beautiful under the sea.... anyway enough about that... I also drank lots of beers over there... and 'piñas coladas'.... I got a bit drunk when we went into that 'pirate' ship...that was fun... when the 'pirate' show was over everybody started dancing...I danced with an english guy from 'oxford'... I had to ask him...it turns out english guys are pretty shy... I woud have thought they were more daring, more forward with the girls, but nope... I was there dancing by myself like a maniac and nobody would aproach me! I kept thinking 'Ok anytime now somebody's gonna start dancing with me and I wont look like a fool anymore'... is not like a cared much if I looked like a fool in front of all those turists (mostly americans) but I wanted some company... one waiter dressed like a pirate stayed and dance a tune with me! he was working so couldn't stay long (wich was good 'cause he wasn't good looking!)... so when I saw this english guy standing there looking kinda bored I went to him and said 'I've being dancing all by myself there, wouldn't you wanna dance with me?'..he said 'ok but don't laught at me, I don't know how to dance' ... why are english guys so concern about being laught at? that's why they're 'shy' I guess... anyway, this guy, John, did know how to dance... at least he knew where to put his hands! around my waist! he wasn't shy about that!... but it was fun... they even put the 'macarena', he was lost with that one, didn't know what to do... and I thoght everybody could do the macarena since most people has heard that one at least a thousand times in their life... along with 'living la vida loca' ... anyway, he wasn't the only english guy a met... at the hotel where I was staying there were lots of 'em... and french too... I must say my selfesteem had a boost because I notice I was rather popular with the guys... one night at the hotel bar this french guy came to me and said that I was 'beautiful' that he 'loved me' hahaha.. he wanted to show me 'how a french kiss is' ...obviously he was drunk... but I enjoid the attention ;) ....then I meet Chris... such a shame that we meet one day before my departure.... I like him... he's from somewhere close to Manchester... forgot the name of the place... he loves soccer :) hi's team is liverpool, he loves to get suntanned :) loves to drink lagger beer :) he loves to have fun with his friends :) he's so lovable! :) Chris if you ever read this, I love you mate! his friends seem pretty cool to... didn't get to know them much... only talked a bit with John, he's not much of a soccer fan... and he likes snorkeling.... he said he bet some money on Mexico.. hope you win John! he has really pretty blue eyes.... Chris's are green/brownish.... anyway, I love british guys! ;) ...being considering going to the UK on my next trip to europe ;) I want to go to europe! it's being like 3-4 years since I last went to Paris.... cant remember... yeah I think it was 2002... yeap.... I have to go back... practice my french....
ok au revoir mes amis! a tout a l'heure!
bye...

sabado en el roble

2005-04-09T18:54:00.000-07:00

Sigo en el Roble, Sin., es sabado, son las 7:57 de la tarde, y estoy aburrida;
mis hermanos ya van en camino de regreso a Tijuana; me dejaron sola; no se ni que hacer para desaburrirme, aqui no hay nada que hacer, mas que ir a la plazuela, y ahi no hay nada! lo bueno que tienen este lugar internet, sino no se que estaria haciendo ahorita; los dias se me han hecho muy largos, el tiempo aki se va super lento; aparte de que estoy aburrida, tambien estoy un poco deprimida; la razon que me trajo aqui no es para menos, la muerte de mi abuelito; ahora fuimos al cementerio donde lo enterramos, a ver la tumba de mi otro abuelo que nunca conoci, el papa de mi papa, Filemon; le dejamos flores, mi papa se quedo unos momentos, seguramente se le vinieron muchos recuerdos de él cuando estubimos en su tumba, sin embargo yo no senti nada porque nunca lo conocí; pero cuando fui a la tumba de mi abuelo Chalio, todabia sin ninguna placa y con las flores ya un poco churidas, senti muy feo de pensar que estaba ahi abajo solito, en ese poso; mi primo Maiko seguramente sintio lo mismo porque vi que le brillaron los ojos; a mi se me hizo un nudo en la garganta, y quise llorar, pero me aguante y solo algunas lagrimas lograron escapar; mi abuelito querido, no debo estar triste porque el no esta ahi en ese poso, el esta en el cielo; el ya esta con Dios, y no debe haber nada mejor que eso; mi mami debe estar todavia muy triste, hoy andubo de muy mal humor porque aparte le dolia el estomago; ojala encuentre pronto el cosuelo que necesita, ojala yo la pueda ayudar a que se contente; en fin, ya pronto se va acabar este dia largo y mañana sera otro dia; mañana todo estara mejor.

CHALIO

2005-04-08T16:50:00.000-07:00

Mi abuelito fallecio.
Tenia 80 años.
Era un hombre bueno, muy tierno; cuando se ponia sensible lloraba, decia "yo quiero mucho a mis hijos, a todos los quiero" y se le salian las lagrimas, y mi abuela decia "ya va llorar este hombre!!" y era muy cariñoso, te daba besos en la cabeza "ya va besar cabezas!"
Como ya estaba bien mayor, aveces se le iba la onda y te decia "tu de quien eres hija/o?"
Siempre que entraba a la cocina y te miraba sentado en la mesa te decia "coman hijos, coman!"
siempre quieria que comieramos, mi abuelito tan lindo! Dios lo tenga con el.
Abuelito, no te vamos a olvidar, siempre vas a estar con nosotros en nuestros corazones, Love you!
bye

Querido diario,

2005-04-04T20:25:00.000-07:00

Hoy mis animos estuvieron mejor que en otros dias... aunque si lloriquie un poquito, fue en un momento que me llego la melancolia y no pude evitar unas lagrimitas... iba manejando camino a casa y en un anuncio espectacular de cafe decia algo asi como 'nada te cuesta consentirlo' y pense 'tanto que me gustaba consentirlo! y porque? porque no esta conmigo? porque no supo valorar mis atenciones, mis sentimientos hacia el ?!' porque los hombres son asi?! les gusta la mala vida, que los traten mal o ke?.... el me dijo 'nunca pienses que fuiste tu, tu no hiciste nada mal, fui yo', eso no me da ningun consuelo! ...el dice que soy maravillosa, lo maximo, que me quiere, que nunca fue feliz como conmigo, que soy la mujer de su vida, como se lo voy a creer si no estamos juntos, si yo no le baste! si tuvo que buscar en otros lados, otras compañias, otras posibilidades! cual es su forma de querer?! ...para mi eso no tiene sentido... talvez el si cree esas cosas que dice, que me quiere, que esta enamorado de mi, pero en el fondo no es verdad, si de verdad me quisiera nunca hubieramos terminado, no me hubiera mentido, no hubiera buscado otras mujeres.... mentiroso... sus mentiras me han hecho mucho sufrir... como voy a volver a creer en el? Dios espero que el tiempo pase pronto, que ya no me duela.... que pueda perdonar y dejarlo atras.... espero que el aprenda su leccion... que no se vale escudarse todo el tiempo en 'no era mi intencion' y lastimar a la gente.... espero que reflexione y arregle sus rollos, por su propio bien....

bye

aki estoy

2005-04-03T14:48:00.000-07:00

aki estoy en mi cuarto, en pijamas, a las 2:40 de la tarde... es domingo... de chikita no me gustaban los domingos, pensaba "que aburrido, no hay nada en la tele" me asomaba por la ventana de mi cuarto y la calle se miraba sola, ningun niño jugando, seguramente todos los niños estaban en sus casas pensando lo mismo... porque no saliamos a jugar los domingos? tal vez la memoria me traicione, pero no recuerdo que los domingos ubiera algo divertido que hacer... aveces mi papa nos 'sacaba a pasear', nos llevaba a comer, algunas veces nos llevo a la playa... pero no era muy frecuente... los domingos siempre han sido asi, generalmente aburridos... ahora que ya soy una adulta lo sigo pensando... pero ahora si me gustan... me gusta que no haya mucho que hacer, que puedas levantarte tarde, andar en pijamas en tu casa todo el dia, ver tele, leer, sin horario.... cuando empieza el lunes empieza a funcionar el reloj, empiezas a regirte por horarios, tiempos... y es un alivio cuando llega el viernes, y luego viene el sabado con su promesa de diversion, salir en la noche, ver al novio, distraerte con tus amigas, etc.... y el domingo relax total.... aunque aveces los domingos tambien son deprimentes... cuando no hiciste nada el sabado, no viste a tu novio, o no tienes uno, o lo tuviste y se termino, y piensas que quisieras verlo, que quisieras que hubiera funcionado, que no hubiera terminado... te pones triste, te sientes sola en tu cuarto en pijamas, y es muy deprimente... hoy para mi es un domingo deprimente... porque no tengo novio, porque tuve uno que todavia quiero pero que no funcionó... porque ni mis amigas, ni haber salido ayer sabado a distraerme me pueden consolar... porque murio el Papa! y cada que escucho la cancion de 'amigo' me llega mas la melancolia, la tristeza, las ganas de llorar.... porque no se que hacer, porque quisiera verlo (a mi ex), abrazarlo, que me consolara, pero no se puede... porque estamos separados...
en fin, aki estoy... y aki seguire.. y hay que aguantarse...
bye